I find it very helpful to have a guideline for making decisions as I move through my day. What are my values that guide my decisions? I like the framework of the Buddhist teachings for this because I think it’s nicely summarized in a very simple question I can ask myself: If I do this, does it lead to more contentment—or more craving?
It’s such an easy question. If we could just filter more of our day through that, it would already change a lot. This isn’t about right or wrong. It’s just simple observation: How do I feel? How do I feel after watching Netflix for a while? After being on the news? What kind of news am I consuming? What kind of people am I talking to? What am I exposing myself to—radio, music, food? Everything we take in has an effect on us. If I want to live with more contentment and freedom, then it matters to pay attention to what I take in.
The Problem with “More”
It can be tricky to talk about having fewer desires as a positive thing, because it’s not that desire is bad. It’s more about that “more, more, more”— insatiable quality. Our whole culture is built on wanting more, but what does that leave us with? Never really being satisfied. Or satisfied for a split second—and then we’re back at it again.
There’s this image in the Tibetan tradition of the “hungry ghosts.” They have huge bellies—so they’re very hungry—but very thin throats, so they can never actually get enough in. It’s such an amazing image of that feeling: I just can’t get enough. And it feels terrible. Yes, having a desire fulfilled can feel nice in the moment. But how long does that last? Then what? Do I need more? Something else? More stimulation?
Learning to Be Content
What I love about the teachings is that we’re learning, very naturally, to be content. I notice this when I’m out in nature—backpacking or camping. There’s no cell reception, just nature. Life becomes so simple. Everything I need, I carry with me. Of course, after a while I want a real bed or better food—but there are these moments where it’s just clear: I don’t need a lot.
And there can be such a deep sense of contentment. Then I go back home, open a cabinet, and it’s like—more stuff, and it’s hard to let go of it. So being able to let things be as they are… it’s not easy.
It’s especially hard right now, with so many things going on in the world to be upset about. I feel I have to hold onto my practice more strongly right now than in easier times. I need to be aware. I still look at the news, but I’ll read summaries, I’ll time myself—because I know I can get sucked in and feel terrible for hours afterward. And that’s not helping.
So the question becomes: How much do I take in, while still being able to show up? To be there for my community, to do what needs to be done, to still be easy to be around? It’s a balance. Not checking out—but also not overwhelming ourselves.
Working with Our Conditioning
We’re up against something real here. As Bodhipaksa says, we need to remind ourselves of these principles because we so easily forget them. Our evolutionary history has equipped us with tendencies that go against this practice. Parts of the brain tell us we need to worry to be safe. That we should look after ourselves first. That more is better.
So in a way, we’re practicing against our own biology. If you lived in a world where food was scarce, it would make sense to crave sweet, fatty food whenever it was available. But now it’s always available—and the brain still says, “Yes, more.”
The same goes for so many comforts we now take for granted. Even 150 years ago, the richest person on earth didn’t have electricity or hot running water. And now we have it—and get upset when it’s gone for five minutes. We adapt quickly. And then we want more.
The Flashlight of Mindfulness
So how do we work with all of this? One way is to look at effort. In meditation—and in life—we can ask: Am I using too little effort? Too much effort? Do I even need effort here? Sometimes, when things are strong—restlessness, anxiety, resistance—we need more effort. Other times, less.
Often we do this intuitively, but it helps to become more aware of it. Because sometimes, when we try to micromanage our inner experience—gritting our teeth, trying really hard—it actually makes things worse. What we need instead is to let go. To open up. To remember that around all our thoughts, all the tension and contraction, there is so much space—in all directions.
When we practice like this, we’re still using effort—but not that tight, constricted kind of effort. And what makes all of this possible is mindfulness. Mindfulness tells us: this is what’s happening right now. It’s like a flashlight we shine on our experience.
Instead of being lost in our thoughts, we can see: Oh, that’s what’s going on in my mind. And suddenly, we’re the one holding the flashlight. That can be very empowering. Because then we can ask: What’s the right way to work with this?
And again, we come back to that simple question: Does what I’m doing lead to more freedom? Does it lead to more contentment? Does it bring more energy? That’s the litmus test. We put it into practice, right there in the moment, again and again.
Thank you for reading,
Christiane Wolf
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