In this talk, JD Lloyd takes a closer look at the familiar definition of mindfulness—“paying attention, in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, without judgment”—and explores what these simple words can reveal about how we live. From the ways our attention wanders to how we meet difficult thoughts and feelings, this talk offers a practical invitation to understand mindfulness not just as a meditation technique, but as a way of relating to our everyday experience with greater freedom.
I want to talk about a definition of mindfulness that was a jumping-off point for me as a teacher, and also as a practitioner, to explore what mindfulness really is.
This definition comes from Jon Kabat-Zinn: Paying attention, in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, without judgment.
Very often, when we find ourselves lost in meditation or our everyday life, and we’re daydreaming about something, or remembering a conversation, it has a charge that builds on itself. It starts as a series of reactions, add-ons and subtractions and whatever else that goes on in our minds.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. But it can often grab our attention in ways that are uncomfortable, and that give rise to a lot of self-criticism, self-judgment, shame, or comparing ourselves to others who we think somehow have it together, or do it perfectly.
And that’s just not the case. Human beings are not perfect beings.
So I’d like to explore the elements of Kabat-Zinn’s definition more in depth, so that we can really get into the richness of it.
Paying Attention
Are you actually here in the present moment, or are you daydreaming? And if you’re daydreaming, can you simply notice that you’re daydreaming? That’s another kind of experience.
But is your awareness meeting this moment? Whatever the moment contains.
It could be an external object you’re observing: a sound, a conversation, it could even be doing a puzzle. But are you fully present with it, whatever’s arising?
Much of our lives, they’ve done studies about this, sometimes as much as 90% of our lives, we’re kind of in a sleepwalking mode. We’re not really focused. Our mind is just wandering around.
Most of us know that most thoughts are not volitional. We don’t say, “I’m gonna think about every single thing that arises in our mind.” They just come out of nowhere. That’s simply what happens to us as human beings.
Sometimes we drive home, or we eat a meal, or we have a conversation with someone, and 15 minutes later, we couldn’t even tell someone else what happened because we were sort of on automatic pilot.
But attention is the foundation of being a human being, of being alive. And most of us are leaking it. We’re not aware of it constantly. So this is something we can practice with: being mindful of paying attention.
It’s not an exotic thing: it’s simply to notice what you’re noticing when you’re noticing it.
And if you’re doing it in meditation, or you notice that you’ve been distracted in daily activities, the move is to come back. To refocus on what your intention is to focus on.
I can’t tell you how many times my partner and I are talking, and I lose the thread of what she’s talking about somewhere, and I can’t tell you half the things she said. I don’t do that on purpose. But that just happens sometimes.
Luckily, it doesn’t happen a whole lot, or maybe she wouldn’t be my partner anymore. But it happens, and I forgive myself for it, because that’s just part of being human.
In a Particular Way
Something that’s really helpful with this, that can provide a framework for it, is the Satipatthana Sutta, sometimes referred to as the Four Foundations of Mindfulness.
One of the things I appreciate about this teaching is that it gives us a structure in which we can look at our experience.
The first foundation is the body. It’s an exploration of how we might observe our bodies, our body experiences.
The second one is feelings, primarily centered around feelings that are pleasant or unpleasant, as well as feelings that are neutral, because feelings that don’t have a charge don’t often hold our attention. So that’s a great place to do some exploration. What’s really going on when I’m not feeling a charge in my life? Where’s my attention then?
The third is mind and consciousness, observing the states of the mind at the current moment, and particularly noticing whether those states are supportive to our well-being or not.
And then finally, mental objects and phenomena. This is sometimes referred to as Dharma. It really observing mental phenomena through the lens of the teachings. Teachings like: What are the things that hinder us from seeing clearly? What are the things that energize us? What causes suffering, and what is the path out of suffering?
For instance: my body decays over my lifetime, meaning that I can’t really hold on to my body. My thoughts change continuously. If you look back at your thoughts from when you were a child to now, you’ll know that you’re probably a different person, that you think differently.
So any solid sense of who you are kind of evaporates a bit. It’s not so easy to hold on to a really solid sense of self, or at least to hold it as something that never changes. Because it does change, all the time, over our lifetimes.
It can also teach us about suffering, because we often grasp, push away, and pretend things aren’t real. This is the central teaching of Buddhist philosophy: that when we cling in any way—grasping, pushing away, or pretending we don’t see—that causes suffering in our lives.
It’s a fundamental truth. So these are all things that we can see through these foundations of mindfulness.
When we focus on the breath when we meditate, we’re focusing on a part of the body. And even then, we might notice from time to time, “I have asthma. Sometimes my breath flows freely, other times it feels constricted.”
But I’m still breathing. The breath is not exactly the same all the time, and that’s a lesson for me.
On Purpose
Mindfulness is not just something that happens when we’re having a great day, or out in the woods, or at the beach, and we’re feeling a lot of joy or connection. That can certainly be mindful, and we can appreciate it fully—the colors, the feelings, the connections with other people, the connections with the world.
But that often arises sort of accidentally. We can also practice more intentionally. We can go out for a walk with the intention to look fully, to absorb all the sounds and sights and colors and smells of the world.
That’s truly being mindful.
And this is important because, if left to its own devices, our minds get pulled towards whatever grabs them. Our minds really can be sort of like water flowing downhill to the lowest point. It’s just doing it automatically.
As opposed to: like a flashlight or a lamp that we’re shining on something intentionally to see it more clearly.
Mindfulness is not necessarily something that happens accidentally to us. It’s something we do on purpose.
And that’s why when we practice insight meditation, Vipassana, we have the purpose of an anchor in the present moment, such as the breath. We have a purpose of waking up and noticing when our mind has wandered, and then reestablishing the anchor.
We can do the same thing in our everyday life. I have the intention of listening to every word my partner tells me in a conversation, but I miss some of them. My mind wanders, I get distracted, and then I notice, “Oh my gosh.”
And then often, thankfully, I ask, “I’m so sorry, I missed the last sentence. Can you repeat?”
Just acknowledge it. My mind wandered. No shame. Simply making the choice to continuously aim the attention, on purpose, and refocus when it wanders away.
The First Arrow and the Second Arrow
It’s also important to notice that, as we do this, often what arises are things like a story, an old conversation, a hurt, or something difficult in our memory.
We might notice that we’re projecting, we’re fearful of something that’s coming up, and we’re obsessing about it.
The purpose is to not to stop noticing, and also to notice what happens when these things arise. We often get caught in circles of criticism, judgment, shame, and reaction. We’re often adding on to the direct experience.
This can get out of control.
And in Buddhism, this is often described as arrows. The first arrow is our experience.
I’m experiencing a fantasy that I really want to follow somewhere. Or, I’m experiencing a memory that I really don’t like, and with that arises heartache, grief, a longing. All kinds of different things can come up.
And then we start trying to work it out in our mind after the fact, endlessly, for the rest of our life. I don’t know if you have things like this. I certainly have.
This can be a very negative cycle for us. We start to think, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I let go? Why can’t I be like those other people whose lives are perfect?”
Simply noticing that there’s a pattern of that added-on experience.
And then that can create its own charge and spiral out of control. What we call the second arrow, or the third arrow, or the fourth arrow.
We’re basically shooting ourselves over and over again with reactivity, and criticism, and shame, and self-judgment.
And if we can notice that, we can slow it down.
Holding What Arises Gently
This points towards attitude. We bring attitude to practice.
When we notice that we’re out of control, spiraling in criticism, self-judgment, and shame, we might simply ask ourselves, “Can I lay that down a little bit?”
Or, “May I be kind to myself? May I offer myself a kind word, a supportive word?”
“You’re not really that different than other people. This is just the way it is. This is what our mind does.”
Whatever we do to slow down reaction, a very powerful way of doing that is simply to hold whatever’s arising gently —rather than squeezing it to death.
Pushing it away, or pretending it’s not there. Because these things create more suffering in our lives.
Sometimes we squeeze the life out of things by grasping them. Or by constantly denying that something is real.
That is the source of much of our suffering.
And if we can see that, we can practice opening our hand and holding it like a small bird; without the push, or the grasp, or the denial. That’s the start.
A Practice for Your Entire Life
So, putting this all together, these five pieces:
Showing up.
Holding what arises gently.
Choosing to do it.
Doing it here, in this moment, not in the future, not in the past.
And, if we can, without judgment, or self-criticism, or shame, or reaction.
These, put a different way, you might name: Attention, discernment, intention, presence, and attitude.
If you leave any of these out, the practice will tilt.
If you attend without a gentle attitude, then you’re simply surveilling.
If you have presence without intention, you might be drifting.
If you practice non-judgment without discernment, it becomes passivity.
Maybe this can inspire you: that you can practice in a similar way, simply noticing what arises, having some intention, remembering to be present.
And this is a practice. It’s a practice, I believe, for your entire life.
I don’t think I’m ever going to master this in any way. I think it’s an ongoing, an unfolding practice of my life: paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, in a particular way, and learning to hold what arises without judgment.
Thank you for reading,
JD Lloyd
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