It’s beautiful to explore Wise Speech, because it is a life practice we can turn to everyday to deepen our understanding of how our communication can create or relieve suffering in ourselves and in the world. Isn’t inspiring that your words can be a vehicle to reduce suffering? It’s within your power. Sometimes we feel like well what can I do to help the world? Everyday there is something.
The Buddha defined wise speech as an abstinence from false speech, abstinence from malicious speech, abstinence from harsh speech, and abstinence from idle chatter. He also reframes these qualities of wise speech in the positive. He says only say what is true, speak only in ways that promote harmony among people, using only a tone of voice that is kind and gentle, and speak mindfully in order that the speech is timely and purposeful.
To put this into simple categories, it could be said that speech is wise if it is kind, it is true, it is timely, and that it is useful and of benefit. I want to first start with this category of speaking honestly. Of course in general terms we all want to speak the truth, and the Buddha did say that speaking a deliberate lie is one of the greatest evils.
On a more subtle level though, wise speech becomes a life practice is when you begin to consistently check into the deeper intentionality behind the words you are saying. What’s the quality or the attitude of the heart mind out of which your words are coming? That is going to impact what the fruit of the experience will be.
So ask yourself: am I speaking from a place where I want to influence? Am I wanting to gain favor? Am I wanting to be seen in a particular light? Am I speaking out of my insecurities? All of these slight intentionalities can slightly warp what we say. You can feel into how mindfulness allows us to check in with the deeper motivation that’s underlying or fueling our words. What we want to stay with is that any any degree of dishonesty in our speaking creates distance — it might be more subtle, but it actually has the effect, whether we’re aware of it or not, of pushing others away and disrupting the nature of true connection.
excerpt from Lisa Kring’s talk, Kindness is Not Always Comfortable
Listen to her full talk on our Youtube Channel InsightLA Meditation.