Of the Noble Eightfold Path, we have wise view, wise intention, wise speech, wise action, wise livelihood, wise effort, wise mindfulness, and wise concentration. Wise speech is a big part of practice most people feel like they could use some refinement in. I know I am still working on it, thirty years later.
Lately, I’ve been fascinated by near-death experiences. Stay with me, and you’ll see how this ties in with wise speech. There are so many stories now from people across cultures and around the world describing what happens to them. No two experiences are exactly the same, but there are striking similarities.
People often describe profound peace, unconditional love, encounters with light, deceased loved ones, and a life review where they don’t just remember what happened during their life — they actually feel their actions from the point of view of the person impacted by them. They feel how they affected others. If they caused harm, they feel that harm. If they brought goodness, they feel that too.
What’s interesting is that people often describe this without severe judgment. There’s spaciousness, compassion, and understanding. Almost like they’re being shown: You were sent here to learn through these experiences.
One story that especially moved me was from a man named Kenneth McDonald. He had been serving a seventy-year prison sentence. By his own admission, he had lived violently and harmed many people. During COVID, he had a near-death experience.
Part of his life review involved hearing all the lies and harsh speech he had spoken throughout his life. He said that as he repeated those words, it felt like his mouth was on fire, burning from the inside.
Afterward, he said something changed in him completely. He could no longer participate in the same harmful ways of speaking and behaving. He had felt the consequence of his words directly. He realized that speech has impact.
That’s one of the things mindfulness practice helps us awaken to: our actions have consequences. They affect other people, but they also affect us. When we hurt others, we’re hurting ourselves.
Kenneth later became deeply devoted to spiritual practice and shared a verse from the Bible that struck me because it aligns so clearly with Buddhist teachings. In Matthew 15:18, Jesus says:
“But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart.”
The Buddha taught the same thing. Speech reflects the state of the heart and mind.
In Buddhist practice, there’s a word often translated as “defilements,” or kilesas. Another translation I love is “psychic irritants.” That which afflicts the heart.
We know these states afflict us because we can feel them. Hatred, cruelty, and harshness are painful. And if something afflicts us internally, when we put it into the world, it will afflict others too.
The Buddha described wise speech very clearly.
First: abstaining from false speech. One speaks truth, is devoted to truth, reliable and worthy of confidence.
Second: abstaining from divisive speech. One does not repeat things in order to divide people, but instead speaks words that bring harmony and concord.
If we look around the world today, we see a lot of “delight” in division. News stations, social media, conversations that pull us into taking sides and hardening our hearts. And if we continually listen to divisive speech, we participate in it. It stains the heart.
Kenneth had a beautiful way of describing this. He said harmful speech from others can stain another person’s heart. If someone is constantly trying to make you dislike another person, eventually you stop seeing clearly. You see through the stain.
Practice is learning to see from a kind and undefiled heart instead.
The Buddha also taught abstaining from harsh speech. Speaking words that are gentle, affectionate, soothing to the ear, and beneficial.
That doesn’t mean we never say difficult things. Sometimes beneficial truth is uncomfortable.
I remember being on retreat with Sayadaw U Pandita during a very difficult period in my practice. I was crying and struggling, and he looked at me and said, “What makes you so special?”
In the moment, I did not find it pleasing. But later, it led to deep understanding. Wise speech isn’t always about pleasing people. It’s about what truly helps free suffering.
Then there’s abstaining from idle chatter — the one that gets all of us.
The Buddha listed entire categories of worldly conversation: politics, wars, gossip, entertainment, clothes, towns, heroes, relatives. Reading the list, it almost feels like he’s saying, “Just zip it.”
And honestly, when we go on silent retreat, we begin to understand why.
One of the first things I noticed after my early silent retreats was just how much energy talking takes. In silence, we begin listening more deeply. We tune into the heart. Into wisdom. Into something quieter beneath all the noise.
For me lately, part of practice has simply been staying silent more.
When I was a kid in Catholic school, I got an F in conduct because I talked too much. I ran my mouth constantly. Looking back, I think it was anxiety about my home life. Talking was how I navigated discomfort.
The nuns gave me F’s in conduct.
So this practice is ongoing.
The Buddha gave additional refinements for wise speech:
Speak at the right time.
Speak truthfully.
Speak affectionately.
Speak beneficially.
Speak from a mind of goodwill.
Even true words can cause harm if spoken at the wrong moment.
And underneath all of it is intention. The state of heart from which we speak matters deeply.
If speech comes from loving-kindness — wishing others safety, health, peace, and happiness — then those qualities shape our words.
The underlying state from which we speak is exactly what either purifies the heart or defiles it.
And remember: defilement isn’t about external judgment. It’s not about someone condemning us from outside. We know it directly through our own experience.
We feel the stain on the heart from words that are not helpful, not truthful, not kind.
And conversely, we feel freedom in the heart when our words are beneficial, honest, and rooted in goodwill.
Thank you for reading,
Melissa Mckay
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