For a long time before I started practicing, I thought of Buddhism as something solitary—almost a practice of isolation. I imagined Buddhist practice as something you do alone in a cave: you meditate, you withdraw. It didn’t feel like it had anything to do with connection. But over the years, I’ve discovered that this practice is actually a place for friendship and connection—powerfully so. What Jack Kornfield describes as “a path with heart.” There’s a story in the Buddha’s teachings that really brought this home to me. The Buddha and his attendant Ananda were sitting together on an overlook, gazing out at the valley. Ananda, feeling confident, said to the Buddha:
“Dear teacher, it seems to me that at least half of the spiritual life must be good friendship.”
The Buddha quickly corrected him:
“No, no, no. This is not right at all. This is the entire spiritual life. Good friendship, good companionship, good comradeship.”
When you have a good friend—someone you trust, someone walking the path with you—it’s natural that both of you will deepen spiritually. The path unfolds through friendship, not separateness. This is what is called kalyanamita: spiritual friendship. Not just any friends, although many friendships in our lives certainly have a spiritual aspect. But especially the people we meet on the path—the people we gather with to share our interest in meditation, mindfulness, and spiritual life.
There’s a monk, Brother Pháp Dung at Deer Park Monastery outside San Diego, who calls this the Sangha Solar System—the community solar system. He reminds us that the Dharma is Sangha. It is community. It isn’t separate from community; it is community. And he urges us to consider all the teachings in this light.
So yes, we may practice in what feels like solitude and introspection—and often it is that in our lives. But the fruit of the practice, the heart of the practice, is connection.
Warmly,
JD Lloyd