When you’re in a difficult moment, have you found that bringing kindness or compassion into it can make it easier to bear? This is why mettā —
loving-kindness — is such an important part of our practice.
Many people struggle with it in the beginning. It can feel different from mindfulness, where it can be easier to have a direct experience. For instance, if I ask you right now, “Can you feel your bottom on the chair?” chances are, yes, you can. But if I say, “Be really loving toward yourself right now!” — it doesn’t quite work the same way, does it?
For many, shame even comes up in the form of, I can’t do that, what’s wrong with me? While this is normal, loving-kindness is nonetheless something that resides within all of us. It’s more about rediscovering it than creating it, and with practice, we can trust that what we do repeatedly will grow stronger.
I can say this from my own experience. When I first started practicing loving-kindness, I only did it because teachers I trusted told me to. I would sit there repeating the phrases — may I be safe, may I be happy, may I be healthy — secretly wishing I didn’t have to do it, and having no idea how it was going to be helpful. I was just going through the motions.
But even then, something was happening. That’s because what really matters in this practice is our intention. Practicing loving-kindness doesn’t require that we actually feel incredibly loving towards ourselves or others in that moment, or that we feel anything at all. We’re simply inviting in a felt quality, and it’s our intention that will create the change over time.
with warmth,
Christiane